Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
