Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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