I just threw up on my dentist
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
