and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
