he shaved USA in his pubs
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
