I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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