Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
