Just fell off a train. Bad.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
