I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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