May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
