everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
