just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
