I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
