Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
