U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
