True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
cat food counts as protein by the way
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize