Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
