so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
