In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
