I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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