It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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