i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
