Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
