there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
