apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
