turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
