apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
