do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
