You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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