my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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