I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
