I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
