and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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