Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
