I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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