Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
