There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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