he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
