I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
