I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize