Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize