Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
