i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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