First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
