So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
