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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.

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• (786): View more from Florida

  It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor

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• (716): View more from New York

  Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate

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• (830): View more from Texas

  I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  That was super inconsiderate of me

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