im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why do cheetos always look like penises
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
