I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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