next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
