Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
