My pussy is not your playground.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
