So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
