my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
