the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
