I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
