Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
