You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
