I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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