So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
