My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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