spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
