I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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