my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
