Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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