her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
