I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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