I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
