I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
