I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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