Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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