can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
