remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
