ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
