The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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