Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
