Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
